Resentment in a relationship can destroy positive feelings, respect, and warmth your partner otherwise felt toward you. Instead of being your cheerleader and biggest fan, they may start to hold you back from opportunities or activities you enjoy. Once a relationship turns competitive, it is in dark territory. Since resentment can be so detrimental to relationships, it is essential to develop an awareness of whether you are starting to feel resentful of your partner or detect if they are starting to feel resentment toward you. Often, resentment can creep up on people in an insidious way and quietly build until there’s an explosion, of sorts, and that is why it is so important to catch it early.
Some early signs your partner resents you:
Our thoughts have a profound impact on our brain chemistry and basic physiology. Our bodies are programmed to respond in certain ways to different situations. Based on your appraisal of, or thought about, a given situation, your brain will have a specific chemical reaction which communicates to your body how to respond. For example, when you are faced with danger, your thought process might be “there is danger and now I need to run,” but more likely than not, the process happens more instantaneously because you have a thought about danger and your brain then takes over. Here are some specific ways that negativity can affect your brain and body:
It is important to know that "thought suppression" or trying to push away a thought is not helpful. It actually can intensify the thoughts. It is important to foster a better, more accepting way to relate to your thoughts. Practice acknowledging your thoughts ("there's that thought again"), simply labeling them ("I am having the thought that...", choosing not to engage with them ("this is not helpful for me to think about right now"), challenge them ("what is the evidence for and against this?") and explore mindfulness techniques. In contrast to negativity, which more often than not, prompts a physical stress/danger response, meditation and mindfulness which teach your mind and body to quiet themselves are associated with a slew of positive health benefits. Certain newer types of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) like Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) can offer more on this style of learning to relate to your thoughts differently. CBT will help you learn how to challenge your thoughts and come up with more effective ways of thinking. The therapists at PVD Psych have training in all of these types of therapy and can help you figure out what might work best for you.
Eating disorders and body image concern are unfortunately very frequently intergenerational, or passed from one generation to the other. We can presume that some of this is due to biological factors that predispose someone to having an eating disorder due to certain personality traits like being overly conscientious or perfectionistic or being more impulsive or more anxious. However, an eating disorders is in very large part determined by environment and learning history, and these are also the only aspects a parent can control when it comes to helping their child avoid developing an eating disorder. According to the cognitive behavioral theory of an eating disorder’s development, it is brought about by an internalization of a thin ideal, perfectionistic standards, and the idea of having more control over one’s body size and shape than may actually be the case. Much of this is shaped by the media and peers, but parents greatly influence their kids as well. Parents are a primary source of teaching their kids about their personal worth, what eating behaviors they pick up, and general ideas about their beliefs about food. Children also learn a lot about food and eating from observing their parents eat and observing how they talk about food and themselves and how they look at each other in the mirror. If you have an eating disorder, or even one in remission, you may not realize it, but chances are there are hundreds of thoughts and behaviors you might engage in during any given day that your child would pick up on.